Emotion is what I'm filled with right now, I'm feeling mildly bipolar, only in the sense that I'm trying to be the funny positive person I am ;p but am kind of dealing with a lot right now ish....
The other night I came and sat down by my pops in our den, who was reading some science article like he does in his spare time. I just let out how I was feeling to him, and of course, him and his wise words were quite a comfort and he usually can make me smile too. My family is definetly the first to remind me that I am challenged with patience and understanding, but that I've also got it good! I feel like I have to explain some of the stupid emotions I'm feeling right now, yeah I have a journal for that sort of thing, but thanks to modern technology I can just be lazy and type it on my blog. :)
There are two guys I know fairly well, that I like....!!! Psshhh, so ask 'em out is what my friends say. Well, I've become more of a traditional girl now, I'd prefer them to make that move. (on a side note, I did ask one of them if they wanted to hang out but he never texted me back, maybe he didn't get the text? Oh and the other one, it was kinda clear that a girl we know was trying to set us up, but I'm too chicken to make anything of it.) I've had my share of asking guys out. I can't complain too much though ;D. The thing is I'm so messed up with emotions right now that this is just making it worse, or better, I can't decide...
(this is where I ask for someone to donate a few grand to me and help me make up my mind with how the rest of my life should go...starting tomorow.)
But I know deep down I can decide for myself how to do this and what to focus my time and money towards. Now I'm talking about serving a mission or not..
Something my dad told me that night sitting in the den was that when he took a physcology class in high school, his teacher said the same thing to the class everyday. A few years ago my dad ran into that high school teacher and the teacher asked my dad if he remembered what he told the class. My dad said his teacher would say, "life may seem difficult now or when you're in college, but just wait until you are married with 3 kids and have to pay a mortgage." But my dad said he always disagreed with that, saying that the college years ARE a difficult time.
Well, now that we've established that I'm just at a tough spot in the road....I bet it's different for everyone though. Hopefully this just means I've got something great to look forward to in my future...? ;)
It's 1:26 AM right now so I'm just gonna try an "artistic, night club" approach with just words or maybe song titles that come to my mind of how I'm feeling right now.??
If I end up deleting this post later it's because I'm not really sure where I was going with this!
I won't worry my life away
insecurities
love is all you need
fast car
half of my heart
I want something that I want
hushh
snap*
bitter
greatful
wish upon a star
smile
cry
forget you
don't think twice it's all right
every day is a winding road
count your many blessings
summer rain
snap*
hushhh
Oh my, ok so that's all I got right now. Maybe I'll go for an early morning run to clear my head and then practice some guitar. write some epic song, you know...
<3
So my whole life I couldn't wait to serve a mission. I could feel deep in my soul that I would serve a mission and I absolutely couldn't wait. Then I turned 21 and all my desires and ambitions and dreams to serve a mission flew out the window - completely! Guys were involved. Money was involved. School was involved. Life was involved. Not sure how I finally turned in my mission papers but even up to the moment I went into the MTC, I wasn't sure that I really wanted to go through with it.
ReplyDeleteOh silly little me. :) By the time I got home I was asking if there was a way I could go again because I had heard that sisters could go again.
This is probably all too long for a blog comment, sorry. Anyway, for me, it was the most greatest decision I have ever made because I am still reaping the benefits of that decision and I will for eternity, I have no doubt.
I don't know what the right decision is for you. I've come to look at decisions like this, "In the future will I regret having made this choice or will I regret not making this choice?" It works most of the time. I don't know that serving a mission is ever the WRONG decision. You can rest assured about that. But what you need to decide is if you want to add that experience to your life or not. You are not bad if the answer is "no". You are the one who writes your own story, you decide the person you'll be. What goes in the plot and what does not, is pretty much up to amazing, talented, wonderful, beautiful, smart, sensitive you.
Are you getting sick of my comments? :)
Love ya Linds!
sorry about the typos :)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't get sick of you! :) I think I have some good examples in my life, or "kindred spirits," you better believe you're one of 'em. ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you are saying, thanks for sharing that!
:]